Hate
by Celtic Wish
Summary: My version of Severus' thoughts just before, during, and after the first time he has to teach Harry.


Severus Snape stood in the shadows of the hall as his first year class of Gryffindors and Slytherins filed into his dungeon classroom. He recognized a few of his students, like the Longbottom boy, Weasely, and several of the Slytherins, but two of them stuck out. One, Draco Malfoy, was his godson. He'd never thought he'd actually have a godson, but apparently Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy trusted him enough to put him in that 'highly coveted' position.

Lucius' words, not his own.

It was highly ironic that the Malfoy's had trusted him that much. It was well known that he was a half-blood, he'd gone by Half-Blood Prince during school, after all, and obviously it was going to get back to the parents of his Slytherin... acquaintances... that he was half-blood, and even then Lucius Malfoy had had connections with almost every pureblood family, except for those labeled as blood traitors, so naturally both Narcissa and Lucius knew.

He could've cared less at the moment he'd been appointed as Draco's godfather, however. He'd been preoccupied with other things, like the fact that the Dark Lord was more than likely going to kill Lily.

That brought him to the other child that jumped out at him like a sore thumb. _Potter_.

It was no secret that he had loathed the boy's father for various reasons, not the least of which was the fact that he was an arrogant bully whose favorite target had been him. But at first it had been because James Potter was and had almost everything that he did not. Charm, charisma, looks, friends. There was only one that he'd had that Potter wanted, and that was Lily.

But Lily had been nothing more than a friend to him, though he'd wanted it to be more. And by the time they'd gotten to fifth year, he had known that despite the fact that she claimed to hate Potter, she was falling in love with him. He'd resented her for it, because then Potter would have it all and he would have nothing. So he pushed her away and dug deeper and deeper into the Dark Arts, deep enough that Lily, the ever-loving and forgiving Lily, could not bring herself to forgive him. He'd never stopped resenting her.

But he could never quite bring himself to hate her.

Now he was teaching the Potter boy. He looked too much like James, and it had caused him to instantly dislike him. But there had been one moment in the Great Hall during the Welcoming Feast where he'd looked straight into the boy's eyes, and it had been like looking into Lily's eyes all over again.

Inwardly shaking himself from his thoughts, he realized it was past time for him to begin class. He swept inside, startling the students, and began taking roll. When he got to Potter's, he couldn't help it. He saw that messy black hair and instantly felt the pricklings of hate. He fought it, but couldn't stop the comment from escaping his lips.

To be honest (and to be true to his word to Dumbledore, whom he'd told he would not try to antagonize Potter), he really did try not to be unfair to the boy. But again, he looked to much like James that the first question he asked him had been something he knew Potter would have no idea about. He stopped fighting it, but he was never able to look the boy directly in the eyes.

And after the class, he sat at his desk, unable to ignore it any longer. He hated James, hated Harry, and almost hated Lily, but, most of all...

He hated himself.

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**A/N: This is actually a scene from a story I'm currently working on, but I have a problem with finishing my stories, and I really wanted to post this in some form or fashion. Since I hate it when people post a few chapters of a story and don't finish, I refuse to post a story without finishing it first. So I made this into a oneshot. If I ever do finish the story this scene is a part of, I will take this down and repost it as part of the story, not as something separate.**

**I'm posting this right after I wrote it, and I have no beta, so if you spot any mistakes or rough spots let me know.**

**Thanks for reading,**

**Celtic Wish**


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